I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
porn star boner night. come get it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
