He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
