I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
