I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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