as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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