I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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