Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
