The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
