I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
