It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
