he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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