remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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