thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
