Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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