Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
