Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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