hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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