girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
