i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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