i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am mentally ready for anal.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
