what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
