some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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