on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
