Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
