is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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