Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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