just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
