so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
