Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
