So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I FOUND THE LEGS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
