i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
