help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
