what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
