dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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