I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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