Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Boobs speak an international language.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
