I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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