C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There r osticjed everywhere
being pregnant is like rehab
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
