I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
