ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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