pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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