you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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