So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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