I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
