No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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