I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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