ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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