Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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