Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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