i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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