Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
