The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize