Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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