There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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