It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
