True but thats because hes a fetus.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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