trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
