His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
