I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
