I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
