i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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