I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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