There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
