i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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