Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
