im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
