he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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