I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
