I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
