Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
tell me about the fingering
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize