Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
