aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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