Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
