new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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