what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What a dumb baby whore.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
