Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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