I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
