: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
