Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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